Disorderly Conduct
by Scarlet Temptation
Summary: Alice starts having terrifying flashbacks to her time in the asylum, not only seeing James' stalking first hand but the others that were there, too. Has her life been a lie, or do the holes in the memories tell a different story? OOC/AV/Violence/Rape
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**:*:*:*:**

_**Alice POV**_

**:*:*:*:**

"_Mary-Alice, it's time to take your pills." The nurse in her navy blue and white checkered dress came into the room with a small plastic cup and a larger one filled with water._

_I cringed back into the corner, holding my teddy right under my chin as it was the only thing I could put between myself and the doctors. Not that it protected me at all._

_Instantly, tears started streaming down my face. The pills didn't help; they gave me horrible nightmares and heart palpitations. No matter how often I told them all that, they just didn't care. About that or the fact I was obviously terrified of the drugs in the first place._

"_Please, no, I'll go to sleep, I promise." I pleaded as she came closer._

"_It's not to make sure you sleep, these will help your conditions go away. Surely you know that no one is trying to hurt you by now?" She set the containers down on the steel bench and I knew I was about to be pinned down and half suffocated until I opened my mouth._

"_I do know that. I never said anyone was." I whimpered fearfully when the second nurse came in followed by an orderly._

"_That's what you say today, dear." She nodded condescendingly._

_The other two surrounded the single bed and on a signal I missed the man pinned me down and the two nurses grabbed my head, forcibly yanking my jaw open to tip the two powdery capsules in._

_I choked down the splash of water they poured in, struggling against the man's grip to push his immense weight off my tiny body, so I could breathe mainly._

_The two nurses left almost instantly and the orderly finally lifted himself off my body. His hands however did not move off me. He held my right hip with one and slid the other between my legs, roughly pressing into me with his cold, sterilized, offensively probing fingers._

"_You've still got a bit of fight left in you," he said coldly, but sounding pleased. "That should make for a much more interesting chase."_

_His middle finger shoved up so hard it almost entered me through my clothes. I gasped in pain but didn't scream, something told me not to._

"_You're so little, I can't help but... wonder," Quick as a flash all contact was removed and he was walking over to the door._

"_Get some rest, darlin'. You'll _definitely _need it." he said darkly just before he reached the partially open door._

:*:*:*:

I sat paralyzed.

It was my first and only human memory, and now I knew why my brain had suppressed that portion of my life. I recognized his unchanged voice before I matched his silhouette.

My eyes managed to move across the room to where Emmett and Jasper sat on the couch while playing the Xbox. A loud explosion rang out on the screen and Jasper groaned, letting the controller fall the couple of inches to his lap.

He looked over to me then, face twisting in concern as he instantly rose.

"Alice?"

I didn't respond, or move, or breathe.

"What's wrong? What did you see?" He reached out to touch my arm, causing me to jump fifteen feet across the room in less than a second.

"L-leave me al-alone." I stammered. Tears that were unable to escape in _this_ body started burning the inside of my eye sockets and cheeks.

He continued to stare at me incredulously, remaining in the same position with his arm still out stretched.

"Alice?" Emmett asked uncertainly.

I looked towards him in my peripheral vision, even without moving my eyes I could still see the clearly painted expression of confusion and worry.

I made a half step to the right then a full length one in the same direction. The next one was the first of my sprint and in the second after that I was outside, running as fast as possible in whatever direction my feet carried me. So long as it was away from Washington, I didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**:*:*:*:**

_**Alice POV**_

**:*:*:*:**

_An unusually loud screeching noise woke me up what had to be hours later. Everything was only dimly lit so it wasn't morning yet._

_I warily opened my eyes_—_already adjusted to the dark_—_and looked around my small cell._

_The door was open a little, enough to allow someone in apparently seeing as a figure was approaching my bed._

"_Mmmm, I thought there was some kind of exaggeration in the way you were described, but . . ." The strangers voice paused as he deeply inhaled then hummed happily. It was lower than any human sound I'd hear before, like a lion purring but this was clearly no lion. "You are unarguably the sweetest little thing I've ever encountered. I'm verging on total loss of control... but I'll hold off. It'll make for more interesting sport if I wait for the ball to be in play." The slinky, ghost-like movements reached the side of my bed and slowly started to lean over me._

"_Ple__—__" I squeaked in fear but choked on the very first word._

_The man was now right over me; his icy breath was flowing across my face as he practically panted on me. With the stream of light coming through the door I caught a glimpse of his cropped brown hair and black eyes for just a second, then the slightly parted lips crashed onto mine so hard I felt my lip get a cut on my teeth._

_He sucked it into his mouth_—_a hard, frigidly cold space_—_and ran his equally cold tongue over the throbbing wound._

_Tears finally broke out from the pain that added to my fear, overwhelming me out of my terrified silence._

_I sobbed as he licked around the inside of my mouth like he was wiping up a spill then gasped in pain again when he nipped my upper lip between his impossibly sharp teeth. The sucking started again as he seemed to be drinking from my wounds, taking pleasure in the pain it caused me. Once again his tongue swished over the wound and thankfully this time he pulled away._

"_Mmmm, so amazing," he murmured, wiping his face in the darkness. "My apologies, sweet pea, I couldn't resist completely. Out of curiosity, was that your first kiss?"_

_I stayed silent, holding my bear, while he continued to walk to the door._

_When he stopped in the doorway my heart jumped so hard it ached behind my ribs. He wasn't satisfied with making me bleed once tonight._

"_Hmmm, well I'll be sure to make your next one a little better. Goodnight." he said formally then left._

_I slipped down under my stiff blankets until they were over my head then stayed there for the rest of the night_—_perfectly still, as if motion was what would pull him back._

:*:*:*:

"Alice! Wait up! Your legs move faster than mine!" Emmett called behind me. A few seconds after I'd ran out of the house I'd heard his loud, earth-shaking footsteps come racing after me. I was ninety-nine percent sure he was alone but I couldn't stop my legs or the flight instinct that was making them move.

A frustrated growl rumbled behind me then Emmett's footsteps got louder and faster. He was catching up. Just two more seconds and his arms wrapped around my stomach and pulled me back to him.

"What's wrong?" he demanded, spinning me in his grip to face him.

"Let me go!—Emmett—Ugh! I can't stop!" I pushed against his chest in vain; he was just too strong to fight off.

"What did you see?" he half shouted. I pushed again only to be pulled hard into him with my arms pinned down and his locked around me like a cage. At first I felt trapped, and then I realized I was safe here. I couldn't get out, but that also meant no one else could get in.

I moved my arms the little amount that I could until they were as far around him as I could get then squeezed tight so he couldn't run away.

"W-when I was human, James was there," The tears continued to back up in my face. The tears were the evidence of my sadness, but no one could see. They couldn't _see_ my pain.

"I know. I watched the tape, too." he murmured, his restraints softened into a hug now that I had stopped struggling.

"No, I... I remember. James was there when I was human and so was Jasper..." I swallowed habitually and sniffed, not that it helped the pressure gathering in my face. "I think they were _playing_ for me, some kind of hunting game. They were hurting me."

"You _remember_? You mean you know more than what we heard from James?" His voice was taking a more frantic, panicking tone now.

I couldn't say anything now; my throat wouldn't work, so I just nodded in agreement.

"Wait, did you say Jasper was there, too? He was there but didn't stop James?" His arms went stiff around me once more, fingertips now digging into my jacket.

Still I couldn't talk, so I nodded again. Immediately after, my body caught up and started heaving with my shaky, pained breaths.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**:*:*:*:**

_**Alice POV**_

**:*:*:*:**

_For a whole week nothing happened and I was foolish__—or perhaps the psychologists were right and I'm delusional_—_enough to think that they were both gone anyway. The orderly had given me a dark purple bruise between my legs that was now a very ugly yellow color and spread half way down my thigh, matching the one on my hip. Also, the swelling on my lips was down too, so I didn't look like I'd lost a fight... with myself. The teeth marks were still there though, but they never got fainter like the rest of my injuries were._

_The sleeping pills seemed to also have some pain killing qualities I wasn't aware of before so I now welcomed them each night_—_much to the suspicion of the nurses who kept giving me strange looks when I willingly took the drugs off them and swallowed them down without hesitation._

"_If I didn't know better I'd think you finally wanted to help yourself." One of the nurses said coolly, sneering as she looked in the empty medicine cup._

_I didn't say anything, I just smiled a little and laid down while I waited for the sedatives to work. It wasn't too long before I felt my head getting heavy, and I didn't fight the effects of the drug induced sleep._

_The next thing I knew I woke up, unable to breathe and freezing cold. Someone had somehow taken me from my bed and down to the hospital freezer, then stuffed my mouth full of ice so I couldn't scream for help._

_I automatically lifted my hands to my mouth to remove the enormous block of ice forcing my jaw wide open, only to have something equally cold cinch around my wrists. I knew that feeling, the four fingers and one thumb holding my hands like they routinely did when I refused to take the pills. I choked around the ice block and tried to scream but I was completely out of air._

_And about to die from suffocation and hypothermia combined._

"_Easy, let her breath." A snarky whisper said behind me. Two or three terrifying seconds later the ice was taken out of my mouth and I gasped for my first new lungful of air in over a minute. I coughed and doubled over while desperately panting; trying to get enough air so I wouldn't pass out._

"_I told you to be careful." The same voice snapped._

"_She's alive, she'll be fine." Another voice muttered defensively. This one was more familiar. I couldn't believe it, it wouldn't seriously be him. Jasper would never choke me, especially when he knew I needed air._

_Sure of this fact, I looked up a bit and came into visual contact with his fully erect penis. It dawned on me that it wasn't ice; it was his freezing skin in contact with my human body. He caught me looking, his eyes a glowing red in the dim light coming from the corridor._

"_Do you like what you see?" he asked acidly, glaring at me with such hate I wanted to die right then._

"_Believe me now?" James asked. He walked around and stopped beside Jasper, smirking down at me as I coughed again._

"_Yeah, I agree. Her mouth is pretty hot. She's a bit sensitive on the gag reflex though." Jasper tucked his softening penis back into his pants and did them up. He and James left without another word spoken to me. They locked the door again, which I had once believed was some kind of protection, but really all it did was keep me contained for them to visit at their leisure._

:*:*:*:

"Alice?" Emmett whispered. His impossibly gentle fingers combed through my hair in a consistent and slow rhythm; effective to a certain degree in calming me. "What is it?" he asked.

I shook my head, then burrowed my face into his chest. "Nothing," I denied. "It's just a bad thought."

His teeth crunched together loud enough for even a human to hear, but he didn't press any further.

We sat on the forest floor for a long time—for one sitting period anyway. It seemed like only a few minutes when I heard crunching leaves from the direction of the house. Immediately I tried to get up but Emmett held me tighter to him making shushing noises.

"It's Rose." he told me quickly, inhaling noticeably so I could see how he knew. Sure enough, her scent was getting stronger; and upon closer attention I realized the shoes were heels.

"Emmett? Alice? What are you guys doing out here?" Rosalie asked as soon as she came into view. Her footsteps faltered when she saw us on the ground then she ran over at full speed, appearing instantly it would seem. "What happened?" she demanded, obviously concerned.

"She's having flashbacks," Emmett murmured, restarting his soothing motions now I had stopped struggling.

"Of what?" Rose asked in a shocked whisper.

He stayed quiet for a moment or two to give me chance to stop him from telling her, but I didn't. So he did.

"Her human life," he explained. "Her head blocked some bad things and now she's remembering," He paused to kiss my head gently and then continued. "She saw Jasper in the asylum. He was hurting her. Along with James."

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed myself further into Emmett's hard chest. Rosalie gasped sharply then I felt another set of hands on me, smaller ones with a soft, feminine touch. "Oh, god." she whispered.

"Rose?" Emmett whispered, I felt him move a bit then his arms loosened. "Stay with Rose for a while?" he asked me.

I nodded and he passed me quickly over to her then stood up.

"Don't kill him." I mumbled as soon as he took a step. His stopped and a rough huff came from behind me.

"I promise I'll listen to whatever reason he has first." he grumbled angrily. Now I wasn't in his arms anymore he was losing a bit of control.

"Emmett, please." My voice took a slight whining tone now, begging as well.

He hissed in a loud breath and then grunted a little. "I won't _burn_ him." he bargained.

I didn't argue then. Even if he did tear Jasper apart he could still reassemble himself later. Emmett left then, back in the direction of the house.

"Are you all right, sweetie?" Rosalie asked a few minutes later.

My head thought _no_ but I nodded anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**:*:*:*:**

**_Alice POV_**

**:*:*:*:**

_"Come now, child. There isn't much time."_

_My eyes opened warily at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. A tall, dark-haired man was standing by my bed, removing clothes from the steel dresser draws as he spoke to me in a soft voice._

_I watched him drape a couple of items over his arms before pulling the blanket off the bed without worrying about jostling me on the foam mattress._

_"It's all right, get up. The more time you take the more likely it is we'll have to run. Here, put these on, the detergent should mask your scent a bit." He handed me the pile of clothes then stood back and shook out the blanket._

_Too scared to move, I just watched him for a minute. Once the itchy hospital blanket was untangled he stepped back over to me and wordlessly began dressing me in the clothes, over the top of my pajamas. His hands were as cold as Jasper and James' but he wasn't being rough like they'd been._

_"Curl into a ball, wrap your arms around your legs," he instructed and picked up the blanket again. I loosened my arms from around my stomach and slipped my knees up into the circle. "Good girl, I'm going to wrap you up and put you in a laundry bag. I'll try not to bump into things but if someone's watching I can't very well worry about '_laundry'_ so I apologize in advance. Try not a move."_

_ I nodded without a word. Something told me that he was to be trusted, maybe the way he was giving me options – ultimately leading to the same end, but options nonetheless._

_He bundled me up in the blanket leaving my head out so I could breathe and then started pulling the laundry sack up around the bottom._

_"If I drop you for some reason, count to two hundred without moving at all and then if I still don't come back then get out and run. It doesn't matter where, just run._"

_Without waiting for a response from me, the man pulled the bag up over my head and cinched the tie shut. I was pulled up smoothly then and could feel it when the bag hit the ground and he started walking with me dragging behind._

_The bag was thin and I could see the lights going overhead. I wanted to shut my eyes, thinking in some way that it would help me stay hidden, but I wanted to see as well since if I was caught it would be the last time I would ever leave my room again._

_ If I survived._

_The movement continued for what seemed like a long time. There were several turns and then I felt myself rising when we entered what I could only assume was the elevator. I remembered vaguely from when I'd been brought in that once we came up to the ground floor we would literally walk out into the lobby and have all manner of doctors and nurses swarming around._

_I held perfectly still now and stopped breathing entirely._

_The noise that hit when the doors open was nearly deafening. After so many years in solitude, hearing what must have been dozens—possibly even hundreds—of people all talking at once was like a roar at a football game or a concert._

_It was very rough then as the man had warned me before; he couldn't be careful now with people thinking I was a bag of laundry. The blanket provided _some _padding, though I still had to clench my teeth and squeeze my eyes shut to keep from screaming in pain when I hit each step on the way out._

_For a short second, I was still again, and then upon the next step I felt the cold of the outside air penetrating the bag. Now there weren't as many people watching, the man lifted me off the ground completely and walked faster down a second set of steps outside the hospital._

_An unusual sense of hope began to fill me then. I was outside and no one had stopped us. But then the question remained, would the man let me go, or did he have some kind of plans for me like the other two and simply used a more polite bedside manner to get me to come willingly._

_The next time I hit the ground I could feel sticks underneath me and the top of the bag was pulled open a moment later._

_"This next part is going to be pretty rough. If you're going to throw up I'd appreciate if you told me," the man said, staring down at me like he actually expected a response this time._

_I nodded. "Okay."_

_He didn't close the bag again, this time he simply picked me up like it was no effort at all and then a second later I was pressed back hard into him by the force from the high-speeds we were travelling forward._

:*:*:*:

When I focused back on the present I found myself looking straight into Edward's eyes, still encased in Rosalie's arms.

And he looked as mortified as I knew I must have.

"What happened?" he asked softly. "What triggered it?"

I shook my head, knowing he'd hear my thoughts and get that I didn't know.

"It just started. I recognized J-Jasper . . ." My voice quickly disappeared again, choking on the words I absolutely did _not _want to be saying.

"I saw that much in Emmett's head," he replied.

"What is he doing to him?"

Edward's mouth pulled into a tighter line. "I don't know. I left before he really got into it."

"Can you go back and make sure Emmett doesn't kill him?" I asked with the rasp that was that was left of my voice.

"He won't," Edward said with certainty. "He wouldn't let him get out of it that easy from what I saw. What I'm really wondering is if you spent much time with the man after he saved you, and if he was the one that turned you."

"I don't care," I stated, shaking my head. "He's not here now. And if anything he's the reason I'm alive. _I'm _really wondering if Jasper has ever been sincere, or if this is just some game."

His tension seemed to increase ten-fold then. I could see the blame starting to work its way in.

"I never saw _anything_. Nothing in his thoughts has ever given me reason to believe that he knew you before he says he did or that he had known James before."

A sense of embarrassment and humiliation filled me slowly as it dawned on me that I had outwardly and openly put all my trust and affections into someone who had planned to kill me. I'd been so blind and trusting of him thanks to my vision of us that I had literally been sleeping with my enemy.

"Oh my god," I muttered under my breath. "How did I not see it?"

Rosalie's arms tightened around me automatically. "We see what we want to see in some cases. It's not your fault, Alice. I didn't _see _it with Royce. They don't let you see the monster hiding within them. If they want to get to you and they're good enough at hiding it you won't know until it's too late."

I understood now a little bit better why Rose was the way she was with men. Even after almost eighty years with Emmett, I could still see how she kept him ever-so-slightly away from her. He was still within her very small trusted circle, but not close enough that he could hurt her like Royce had without her being able to defend herself.

"What do I do now?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**:*:*:*:**

**_Alice POV_**

**:*:*:*:**

_It seemed like forever since I was still. While I couldn't see to be sure, I was fairly certain that this man is somehow managing to _run _at this speed and that we weren't on the back of some high-powered rocket._

_The notion is an unbelievable one, but I couldn't think of anything else to explain it. There were too many twists and turns for it to be a track or something along those lines._

_The light of town was completely gone now and all I could see are flickers of what looked to be trees. I wondered for a brief second where he was taking me and what he had planned. If I would live. How much pain would I feel. Would my parents even care that I was gone._

_Since they'd locked me in there they'd never once been to visit, so I could only assume that they were pretending I was already dead._

_And just as I started delving further into that thought, we stopped._

_My stomach lurched from the sudden movement and I knew that I was about to throw up._

_I gagged obviously and a second later the man dropped me on the ground again and I leaned over to throw up on the forest floor._

_"Good timing," he commented sounding a little entertained._

_"I'm sorry," I mumbled. Tears automatically started welling in my eyes and I fought to keep them from continuing. They'd never gotten me anywhere before, and if anything they'd gotten me in trouble a time or two._

_"Don't apologize. I would have been more put out if you had done that _on _me, but I understand you're not used to the speed._"

_"How do you move so fast?" I asked, looking back up at him now that the little food I still had in my stomach had been expelled._

_"It's just one part of the deal."_

_I'd wanted to ask him what _deal _that was, but something stopped me._

_A minute passed in silence then while I waited to see if any more vomit was coming. Once we both seemed to have wordlessly assessed my condition, the man picked me back up again and started walking again in a more directed manner, like he knew he was almost to his destination._

_How he knew where he was going in this darkness I didn't know, but I really had no choice but to go with it._

_"How do you feel about death?" he asked smoothly, completely without hesitation._

_"Um . . ." My insides tightened and my whole body went even stiffer. "I-I'd prefer not to."_

_"What about _physical _death. No heartbeat, no blood, no growth, you just stop. But you're still conscious and moving."_

_"No heartbeat?" I asked._

_"Mmm hm."_

_"That's death."_

_The man laughed again. "Not exactly. Am I dead?"_

_I didn't answer that time. He was standing and moving and I could hear him breathing and talking. Though I couldn't feel or hear his heartbeat, there logically had to be one._

_"I'm walking, talking, breathing, but I have no heartbeat, no blood, I haven't aged in fifty years, my body is totally cold, yet here I am. Is this death?"_

_He had thoroughly confused me now. My definition of death involved decomposition and a coffin, not simply the lack of a heartbeat and the gained ability to run faster than the speed of light._

_"So how do you feel about this type of death? Like me. You can still do everything a person can, but you just won't get old or ever change and you can't go out in the sunlight with other people around or they'll know you're different. Also, you'll never eat food or drink water again. It's not so bad though."_

_I stayed quiet for the remainder of the walk, partly because I was too afraid to talk, but mostly because if I said something either way I figured it probably wouldn't end well._

:*:*:*:

Jasper crashed into the ground beside me heavily then without warning which I guessed was what had interrupted the memory.

Instantly, I noticed how he was missing both arms and one of his feet and as soon as I looked to Emmett I found their location again.

In his hands . . .

"Tell her what you told me, shit-bag!" Emmett ordered viciously.

I recoiled automatically into Rosalie when Jasper rocked from side-to-side and then flipped onto his back when he got enough momentum.

"Give me my fucking arms back," he spat in reply, clearly furious.

Emmett glowered down at him, saying nothing in response, but giving Jasper a solid kick in the ribs for his words.

"He's not—" Edward started, but was quickly silenced by what I guessed was a particularly unpleasant thought from Emmett.

Rose shuffled us back a little as the tension grew thicker and I was glad she was able to pick up on my emotions. The last place I wanted to be was right beside Jasper. Arms or no arms.

"I was messed up, okay?!" Jasper yelled to Emmett, but then tilted his head back to look at me for a second too before moving back to Emmett. "You all knew it! I never made any kind of secret of the fact that I'm fucked in the head! I was _trying _in some way to make up for what I did! She didn't remember so I thought it would be the nice thing to do to make the rest of her life _happy_! But apparently not! My fucking mistake!"

"Did it not cross your mind that she was better off without you?!" Edward piped up, now standing since Rosalie and I had moved way out of his reach.

He joined Emmett a few feet from Jasper's legs and the two of them continued to stare him down.

"Of course it did! I crossed my mind every day! But I could see that she was happy and some of that _was _my doing. So I stayed and kept trying to do more for her that was good than what I'd done that was bad. Think of it as a penance."

Emmett laughed loudly, making me jump a little at the sudden sound.

"And you were delusional enough to think that she would _never _remember?"

"Well I was _hopeful _at the very least."

"Are you sorry?" I whispered.

They all went totally quiet then and looked to me. I glanced around at the others, but ultimately my eyes came to rest of Jasper's face and I checked to see if he was actually looking at _me _or just in the general direction. He _seemed _to be focusing at my face.

"Yes," he murmured ten times softer than before. "I'm seventy years of sorry, Alice. Everything I've said to you since we met in the diner has been real, I promise. It wasn't personal when you were human. It was just a game. I didn't know anything about you. It . . . it was just a game."

I let my eyes move off his face and settle on my hands then. It was easier than looking at his face.

"Why didn't you just leave me alone?"

"When you didn't recognise me I was surprised, and then when you seemed _happy _to see me I took it as a sign that I was meant to meet you again. So I went along with it."

Slowly, I peered up at him again. "Did you ever plan to tell me?"

His face changed instantly to one of anguish rather than pain and frustration. That told me the answer he seemed to be avoiding.

"Please try to see it from my point of view. I didn't want to ruin everything. Would you have forgiven me if I'd told you?"

My eyes closed again and I could feel the sting of the trapped tears under them. For the first time this afternoon, I was upset with _myself_. Everything I was remembering; everything Jasper had done had shaken my beliefs and turned my happy little world onto its head. But it wasn't that that I found was the most disturbing revelation. It that I couldn't say that I would have forgiven him, or that I could have tried to, and that made me feel like the worst person in the world because I could see how badly he's tried to make it right.

"No," I whispered without looking at him. "I don't think I could ever trust you again."

A few thumps hit the leave litter then and I peeked out to see that it was Jasper's severed limbs that had been thrown an approximate distance from where they belonged.

"Pull yourself back together and get the fuck out of here. If we ever see you again, anywhere, I won't even ask for a reason." Emmett growled and then he motioned for Rose and I to join them as they turned to leave.

"Alice," Jasper called as we stood and began to walk around him, leaving a wide berth. "Alice, I'm sorry."

"Me too," I murmured, pausing for a second out of his line of sight. I tried to imagine, forcefully, what it would be like if I tried to stay with him. If I learnt to forgive him like he'd been trying to get me to for the past seventy years.

But I couldn't. The thought of him touching me made my stomach twist and the thought of ever being alone with him again scared me to death.

So I ran, as fast as I could, leaving the others behind me as I sprinted back to the house.


	6. Chapter 6 Epilogue

**Chapter ****Six**

**Epilogue**

**:*:*:*:**

_**Alice POV**_

**:*:*:*:**

_The fire was scolding inside my head and tearing down my spine making me arch and twist in ways I never would have dreamed possible until right now._

_I never would have dreamed that a pain this bad could have been survived before now either, but after experiencing it for who knows how long, there was no denying it anymore._

_My throat was aching and my voice was hoarse from all the screaming I'd been doing. I had started off praying with all my might that it would stop, but after so long I had given up all hope of them being answered. _

_All hope that there was a god, really._

"_Not too much longer," the man that had done this to me said, standing over where I was writhing on the floor. "It's been two and a half days."_

_Two days? Surely it had to be more._

_The pain dulled down a little for a few seconds and I let myself fall limp on the sweat-drenched blanket beneath me. To begin with I had cried non-stop, but for some reason that had stopped despite my continued sobs. I figured I was just out of tears._

_Not five seconds after becoming dull, the agonizing pain returned and my heart tried to claw its way out of my chest. Tried to escape whatever was attacking the rest of my body._

_I screamed again and the man stepped away from me with a rueful expression._

_I had begged for him to just kill me when it first started, and he had assured me that he was by doing this. I had tried to reiterate that becoming a vampire_—_what he had told me was going to happen_—_was not what I meant, but apparently he either didn't understand, or wasn't listening._

_And now here we were, two days later and still not dead._

_A bang distracted me from my thoughts then and I saw a fast movement from my right, followed by another bang that was even louder than my screams._

_Next I heard growling and what could have been words from outside of the room I was in before a third bang followed and dust surrounded me when a sections of the wall came down with the door._

_A moment later James was crouched next to me, hands on my sides, until I let out another tormented wail which made him look to my face with his black eyes that I hadn't clearly seen in the darkness of the asylum._

_It was plainly obvious now that he wasn't human, where it hadn't been before._

_When I cried out this time it wasn't entirely from the pain, but partly from fear of what he was going to do to me._

"_Oh, he didn't play fair," James snarled with his teeth barred. "What am I meant to do with you now?"_

_For a few moments he just watched me squirm and cry with the unrelenting torture I was enduring. I had just enough time to wonder if perhaps _he _would kill me when his hands suddenly let go of my body and moved to my pants instead before ripping them off._

"_I guess there's only one thing left," he hissed._

_My shirt went too in the next second and then he jumped between my legs._

_I couldn't look down to see what he was doing since my neck was practically locked in tilted position, but I could feel his cold hands on my flesh and gasped at a whole new pain when his fingers forced their way inside of me._

"_Scream as much as you like, sweet pea. It will only make me more anxious to finish."_

_I closed my eyes then and hoped that it would be over quick. _

_On the next cry I felt stomach heave, James enter me with force that shoved me across the floor, and then I passed out as my head hit the wall and the freezing vampire pressed itself against my skin._

:*:*:*:

I opened my eyes and moved my hands away from my face as the breath I'd been holding slowly blew out through my lips.

That was the last of my memories of human life. When I'd woken up next, it had been as a vampire, and the huge mess of what had happened before was gone.

_It's just a part of how you got here now,_ I reminded myself when I felt my anxiety levels rising dangerously fast. _Just like it was for Rose, or the bear attack was for Emmett. It doesn't have to be the main focus._

I sucked in another breath and held it again.

_When you let it out, let it go. _

_1 . . ._

I started to exhale.

_2 . . ._

I rolled my shouldered and unclenched my muscles.

_3 . . ._

I stood up from the bed and walked out into the hallway and down the stairs to the living room where most of my family was together.

Edward gave me a tentative smile without saying anything to alert the others. He'd seen that particular memory played out more often than the others. It was the most traumatizing one. The one I had to work on the most.

On the couch by the window, Nessie, Bella and Rose were crowded around Esme who was showing them something on the laptop which no doubt had something to do with Nessie's wedding.

An event six years in the making.

"Alice." Nessie waved me over when she looked over to see me standing by Edward. "Come see. What do you think?"

I joined the others and looked to the screen where Esme had a 3D virtual plan of what the reception would look like right down to the centerpieces.

It was perfect. Everything Nessie had asked for and it all tied in seamlessly.

"It's amazing." I smiled. "If you're happy we can make the final list and start ordering."

"After six _years_," Nessie muttered, turning her eyes to Bella as she pursed her lips.

"You're only sixteen now," Bella said. "I'm still not comfortable letting you get married this young, but I did agree, so don't push it."

Knowing not to push her luck, Nessie just rolled her eyes and hummed as if agreeing. "Save it please, Grandma. And can you print me a copy?"

"Sure," Esme looked up and smiled to her for a second before going back to the computer.

We all started to part ways then. Bella and Nessie remained in the living room, taking seats across from Esme. Rosalie went upstairs, probably to join Emmett in the shower if history was anything to go by, and I headed downstairs where no one else was in the hopes of keeping everyone from becoming suspicious of all the time I would have been in my room if I could just stay there.

All I could see now were the gold chandeliers Nessie had picked out and the easy comparison to them and the ones I had at my own wedding over eighty years before.

It was then that I let my mind go to a place I never usually did.

The day fourteen years ago in the forest when I'd walked away from Jasper and had never turned back.

I sat down on the piano stool and closed my eyes as I imagined his face in all sorts of physical and emotional pain while he lay on the ground before me. Arms missing along with his left foot.

The thing that always replayed when I let it was one of the final things he'd said to me.

Would I have forgiven him if he'd told me?

The answer was _no_.

And it had remained _no _all these years through the half a dozen moves, and new schools, and all the ups and downs that came with our family.

Every time he crossed my mind I would ask myself that question, and the answer was always _no_.

As time went by I wondered several times if the answer would have been _yes _if he'd have asked: "_Could _you forgive me, now you know?" but it made no difference.

That was a part of his life he had refused to share with me until forced to, and so my future was a part I refused to share with him.

I reopened my eyes. Settling my breathing once again as I reassured myself of my decision.

_You did the right thing._


End file.
